hmph

If you just realized...

dumb song. pretty, but stuck in my head since i just heard it on the way home...

almost there

It's almost time to go home... not home. Not my home. My home is here. I'm going to my parents' home, to my brothers' and sisters' home. To my past.
I mean, it's not like I grew up in that house, but I did grow up in that area; and many of my best friends are there.

hmmm... there's a very old post somewhere in my journal...

let me find it.

ah, here it is. Funny thing is that I wrote it exactly three years ago today! (or yesterday, I guess, since it's after midnight now)

.....

26AUG2005

Current mood:
thoughtful
Current music:
Vertical Horizon -- We Are
Entry tags:
heart
HOME...Where do you think of when you hear the word home? Do you think about the room or the house in which you live? Perhaps a town, a city, or a state? Your parents' residence? Do you think about a school, or a store, book-house, coffee shop? Or do you think about a certain group of friends, or a park, or a picture?Home is where the heart is, or so they say. This is so true... I just thought today about home... Rather, i had to stop and think about where my heart is.This is hard to admit, even to myself. My heart has been right here, in El Centro, with me; right here in my barracks room; right here at work on jets; right here during fod walk-down, and in the hot pits; right here in the ocean-like depths of Navy life. It has not been in Idaho with my family, in Oregon with my friends, in France with my greatest and most beloved teachers... it has not been rooted, either, in the Greatest Good. In realizing this, i became confused. If home is where the heart is, then my home is right here, and the Navy is my home. Certainly, i have said many times that the Navy IS my life... and this seems to be true: it is what I live and breathe.Then why am I happy? If my heart is not with all that went into making me who i am, does that make me ungrateful? i am certainly prideful, i realize that. But really, has it taken me so far?Maybe i'm just imagining things... maybe i really do care so very much about all that. Is it possible that things can come along in life that tend to overshadow all of this? I was in love once; that certainly overshadowed everything.But I thought that love was the only thing that could do that...Perhaps... well, it is possible to be in love, and the object of that love not a person. Right? Perhaps... that may be the answer to my own question.Let me think.

.....


Granted, I was a -relatively- young airman then, and i've grown up some, and changed my ideas a little bit... but i still have the same conjecture i guess. for example me saying the navy is my life... well now it's become a part of my life rather than my be all end all... it's just a part of growing up and growing great...


Well, time to get ready to leave.

eh?

Mais, qu'est qu'il a?

je sais pas.

Ou, je sais, en fait... mais comment dire?

Alors!

Dayna's Musical

But my question is
Will I get it right?
I could just compose
Bad poetry all night
And never once arrive
Where truth lives.

Communication's not my thing
But at least I'm trying;
You were right you know...
If only I could sing
My every single thought
It might be easier.

Well how about that?
Let's sing everything!

And Then?

So, ok.. listen:
I'm not stupid, you know
But sometimes I wonder
Especially when I feel so.
Stubborn? yeah that's me
But what did you expect?
I'll pretend i don't care
And stifle weak regret.
A smile - a laugh
Yeah, so what?
Sometimes
You feel like a nut
Sometimes you don't
Know what I'm saying?
The disappointment inside
Won't keep me from playing.
So anywho... that's
That for tonight.
Maybe more later
Till I get it right.

cloudy eyes and sailing thoughts

Again on watch, as my poetry goes
It seems like my only inspiration these days.
The olympiad sounds from the screen behind
But it's near three am so it's all replays.
If you'll wait a moment, I'll make a note
In the duty log, zero three hundred -- secure
Four and a half hours left, thank god!
Then out of this uniform and in bed for sure.
I'm distracted you know, so much going on
In my head: a constant tornado of sorts;
And I'm exhausted, can't wait for my thoughts
-Dissapointed ships- to secure in their ports.
So, driving home, soon - not soon enough
I'll breathe "Deo Gratias" at the thought of my bed
I so welcome sleep, which keeps me from thinking
And for a moment erases the things that were said.

"Girl Sailor"

This song is by The Shins, whose music I love. Their lyricism is beautiful and appeals to me very much.

But never have I found this song befitting of my personal life. But today it does. right. this. second.

I present to you.... Girl Sailor

EDIT: rather just get the song and listen to it... good music too

edit edit... I found it, so you don't have to look for it.

The gutter may profess its love,
Then follow it with hesitation,
But there are just so many of
You out there for rent

A stronger girl would shake this off in flight,
And never give it more than a frowning hour,
But you have let your heart decide,
Loss has conquered you,

You've won one too many fights,
Wearing many hats every time,
But you wont win here tonight,

You've made it through the direst of straits alright,
Can you help it if plain love now seems less interesting?
You haven't changed an ounce in my eyes,
And I cannot lecture you,

And does anything I say seem relevant at all?
You've been at the helm since you were just five,
While I cannot claim to be more than a passenger,

But, you've won one too many fights,
Wearing all of your clothes at the same time,
Let the good times end tonight,
Oh girl, sail her, don't sink her,
This time,

Just a moment or two from now,
Not a mind will retain even a trace,
Of the thoughts that I struggled to tell
And how our stack of cards just fell,

So settle this once and for all,
The light no longer shows the cracks around my door,
And I have no lantern to light your way home tonight,

You are not some saint who's above,
Giving someone a stroll through the flowers,
You've got so much more to dream of,
Oh girl, sail her, don't sink her,
This time,
This time,
This time.