almost there

It's almost time to go home... not home. Not my home. My home is here. I'm going to my parents' home, to my brothers' and sisters' home. To my past.
I mean, it's not like I grew up in that house, but I did grow up in that area; and many of my best friends are there.

hmmm... there's a very old post somewhere in my journal...

let me find it.

ah, here it is. Funny thing is that I wrote it exactly three years ago today! (or yesterday, I guess, since it's after midnight now)

.....

26AUG2005

Current mood:
thoughtful
Current music:
Vertical Horizon -- We Are
Entry tags:
heart
HOME...Where do you think of when you hear the word home? Do you think about the room or the house in which you live? Perhaps a town, a city, or a state? Your parents' residence? Do you think about a school, or a store, book-house, coffee shop? Or do you think about a certain group of friends, or a park, or a picture?Home is where the heart is, or so they say. This is so true... I just thought today about home... Rather, i had to stop and think about where my heart is.This is hard to admit, even to myself. My heart has been right here, in El Centro, with me; right here in my barracks room; right here at work on jets; right here during fod walk-down, and in the hot pits; right here in the ocean-like depths of Navy life. It has not been in Idaho with my family, in Oregon with my friends, in France with my greatest and most beloved teachers... it has not been rooted, either, in the Greatest Good. In realizing this, i became confused. If home is where the heart is, then my home is right here, and the Navy is my home. Certainly, i have said many times that the Navy IS my life... and this seems to be true: it is what I live and breathe.Then why am I happy? If my heart is not with all that went into making me who i am, does that make me ungrateful? i am certainly prideful, i realize that. But really, has it taken me so far?Maybe i'm just imagining things... maybe i really do care so very much about all that. Is it possible that things can come along in life that tend to overshadow all of this? I was in love once; that certainly overshadowed everything.But I thought that love was the only thing that could do that...Perhaps... well, it is possible to be in love, and the object of that love not a person. Right? Perhaps... that may be the answer to my own question.Let me think.

.....


Granted, I was a -relatively- young airman then, and i've grown up some, and changed my ideas a little bit... but i still have the same conjecture i guess. for example me saying the navy is my life... well now it's become a part of my life rather than my be all end all... it's just a part of growing up and growing great...


Well, time to get ready to leave.