He was like a father to me...

Today I attended the funeral of my best friend's dad. It was unexpected. I had to bury the grief deep inside over the weekend as I helped my sister celebrate the joyful event of her marriage. The range of extreme emotions constantly battling in me over the past week has been utterly exhausting. I said goodbyes to my happy sister, and flew across the country to hug my sorrowing best friend. How strange it is to laugh and smile with real happiness, and then minutes later wipe away the tears of loss and heartbreak. Neither feeling forced and fake, yet neither fully embraced. The inner peace, however, is never troubled... and my heart is more and more like a deep ocean... sparkling or moody at the surface for all to experience, yet calm and thoughtful at the very depths. This exhausted body is going to sleep now.

A letter from my former LPO (12DEC2011)

So is it AT1 now? Well, your email says otherwise. Get it fixed:-) Anyways, just wanted say congratulations on your cap to First. Well deserved. Obviously you did some things over there at 143 that impressed the leadership and they rewarded you accordingly. Take that for what it worth and continue to work your way up. Now, I gonna throw you a few bones that are not normally covered in PO1 indoc...

Learn to take your lumps. The hits are gonna come fast and hard in your pay grade now. You're going to be held accountable for just about everything and everyone under you. Whether you are the LPO or not, just by holding the rank as a First Class in a work center, you are expected to manage and lead.
And what I mean by learning to take you lumps is: learn to take those ass chewings. What most first classes don't understand is how to separate professional criticism from a personal attack. Once you learn that, you see that it's more about mental toughness than anything. As you show that mental toughness and the ability to correct your mistakes, you'll start to gain a lot of respect from your leadership and things may get a lot easier for you down the road.

Remember that senior leadership are people first. Some sailors tend think of senior leadership as being "Holy-er than thou," which is, as you know, far from true. Your leaders are no different from you and me...they're just holding a higher rank or position. And just like the people in this world, you have some good ones, some mediocre ones, and some terrible ones. Learning to deal with those different types of leadership has always been and continue to be a challenge. And yes, you will run into that Chief one day who doesn't like "women" leading men in the Navy, and he's gonna give you a hard time. Again, learning how to deal with these type of people is key, and they will eventually respect you as such.

And last but not least, your sailors. I'm sure you've already experienced it in the Second Class ranks, but it's even worse as you move up...competition and backstabbing. A lot of first classes tend to forget that their primary job is to LEAD sailors. That's why you're called "first line leaders." Most first classes get caught up in the eval process for making Chief and stray off course trying to do so. If you're taking on 4 collateral duties, going to school, but your shop is fucked up, then you've lost sight of your primary job. The Chief's mess has an eye for that type of stuff and you'll get picked apart when they see you. Another thing to keep in mind when you get that LPO job...You don't have to be the SME (subject matter expert) to lead a work center. All you need are 2 technically solid and strong second classes; one as you right-hand man to supervise the maintenance on days, and one to run nights. Don't consume yourself too deep into the maintenance part of the job that you lose your overall grip on the shop as a whole. And yes, it is okay for one of your second classes to be a little more technically inclined than you. Just learn all you can from them and in return, teach them how to manage/lead.

That concludes my "words of wisdom." Again, congrats on your CAP, and continue to do what you've been doing. No matter what path you decide to take, LDO or CPO, use this experience as a building block and set yourself up for success. Use your resources because it aint gonna get any easier (Bronson is learning that one right now:-)


V/R
ATC(AW) Kenneth S. Dewitt
CNATTU Oceana

Response of sorts

I read it, and read it again
And still it fills me with such
Great sadness.
And with the last line, I too-
I wonder. Where is she?
She's alone
But not lonely
Well, not all the time.
And my goodness.
I thought she was strong
But what is this gooeyness
You mention?
I do not like gooey.
And she- she shies away
From it.
And from those lines as well.
You're right my dear...
Where did she go?
Or did she ever leave?
Really.

Her name means worthy of being loved...

I hope it does you good.
Finally you took a step forward
Timorous, and tearful
But you did it.
Sure there was coaxing involved
And maybe some harsh words
But love, and faith
And oh so much hope-
All of those were involved too
And here you are!
A new beginning in a new day
And a whole new life...
Why?
Because you had the courage
To move
To be strong!

Dear Amanda

"Don't take the pills!!!!"

Life inspiration

I must read my beloved Captains Courageous again.

I have nothing at all to do this week (well not nothing, but not work since I'm taking leave to set my affairs in order before cruise). I shall read it again, and remember that the ocean and hard work and the ship will make me stronger and a better person.

oh man

that's it you've done it now
what you said wasn't very nice
shocked that you didn't take it back
I'm going to say this once not twice.
I'm done with feeling sorry
I'm a big girl - so piss off
I took a chance and failed
to such baveness hats must doff
And my confidence again renewed
persue my singular path of great
To become the best that ever was
It's never, no never not ever too late.


that was most definately the very first and very last time I allow myself to consider changing my course because of a whim.