Epiphany

Sometimes you have to take a step back and
Just let happen what will
After so many years of constantly
"making it happen".... it becomes a reflex
A needy reflex
But life doesn't work that way
Doesn't play by the rules we think we can set for it
Let nature.... be nature
Have expectations
But keep them in check
Strange what happens when you listen to the silence

He was like a father to me...

Today I attended the funeral of my best friend's dad. It was unexpected. I had to bury the grief deep inside over the weekend as I helped my sister celebrate the joyful event of her marriage. The range of extreme emotions constantly battling in me over the past week has been utterly exhausting. I said goodbyes to my happy sister, and flew across the country to hug my sorrowing best friend. How strange it is to laugh and smile with real happiness, and then minutes later wipe away the tears of loss and heartbreak. Neither feeling forced and fake, yet neither fully embraced. The inner peace, however, is never troubled... and my heart is more and more like a deep ocean... sparkling or moody at the surface for all to experience, yet calm and thoughtful at the very depths. This exhausted body is going to sleep now.

Want

I want to close my eyes and sleep
To dream of you
I want to tell the moon we're strong
We're able to
Weather the storm, each gale and wave
Long distance strength, courageous and brave.

I want to hold your gentle hand
With fingers clasped
And on your shoulder rest my head
Ah home at last!
Close my eyes and hear you breathe
Just let my false misgivings leave.