He was like a father to me...

Today I attended the funeral of my best friend's dad. It was unexpected. I had to bury the grief deep inside over the weekend as I helped my sister celebrate the joyful event of her marriage. The range of extreme emotions constantly battling in me over the past week has been utterly exhausting. I said goodbyes to my happy sister, and flew across the country to hug my sorrowing best friend. How strange it is to laugh and smile with real happiness, and then minutes later wipe away the tears of loss and heartbreak. Neither feeling forced and fake, yet neither fully embraced. The inner peace, however, is never troubled... and my heart is more and more like a deep ocean... sparkling or moody at the surface for all to experience, yet calm and thoughtful at the very depths. This exhausted body is going to sleep now.

A letter from my former LPO (12DEC2011)

So is it AT1 now? Well, your email says otherwise. Get it fixed:-) Anyways, just wanted say congratulations on your cap to First. Well deserved. Obviously you did some things over there at 143 that impressed the leadership and they rewarded you accordingly. Take that for what it worth and continue to work your way up. Now, I gonna throw you a few bones that are not normally covered in PO1 indoc...

Learn to take your lumps. The hits are gonna come fast and hard in your pay grade now. You're going to be held accountable for just about everything and everyone under you. Whether you are the LPO or not, just by holding the rank as a First Class in a work center, you are expected to manage and lead.
And what I mean by learning to take you lumps is: learn to take those ass chewings. What most first classes don't understand is how to separate professional criticism from a personal attack. Once you learn that, you see that it's more about mental toughness than anything. As you show that mental toughness and the ability to correct your mistakes, you'll start to gain a lot of respect from your leadership and things may get a lot easier for you down the road.

Remember that senior leadership are people first. Some sailors tend think of senior leadership as being "Holy-er than thou," which is, as you know, far from true. Your leaders are no different from you and me...they're just holding a higher rank or position. And just like the people in this world, you have some good ones, some mediocre ones, and some terrible ones. Learning to deal with those different types of leadership has always been and continue to be a challenge. And yes, you will run into that Chief one day who doesn't like "women" leading men in the Navy, and he's gonna give you a hard time. Again, learning how to deal with these type of people is key, and they will eventually respect you as such.

And last but not least, your sailors. I'm sure you've already experienced it in the Second Class ranks, but it's even worse as you move up...competition and backstabbing. A lot of first classes tend to forget that their primary job is to LEAD sailors. That's why you're called "first line leaders." Most first classes get caught up in the eval process for making Chief and stray off course trying to do so. If you're taking on 4 collateral duties, going to school, but your shop is fucked up, then you've lost sight of your primary job. The Chief's mess has an eye for that type of stuff and you'll get picked apart when they see you. Another thing to keep in mind when you get that LPO job...You don't have to be the SME (subject matter expert) to lead a work center. All you need are 2 technically solid and strong second classes; one as you right-hand man to supervise the maintenance on days, and one to run nights. Don't consume yourself too deep into the maintenance part of the job that you lose your overall grip on the shop as a whole. And yes, it is okay for one of your second classes to be a little more technically inclined than you. Just learn all you can from them and in return, teach them how to manage/lead.

That concludes my "words of wisdom." Again, congrats on your CAP, and continue to do what you've been doing. No matter what path you decide to take, LDO or CPO, use this experience as a building block and set yourself up for success. Use your resources because it aint gonna get any easier (Bronson is learning that one right now:-)


V/R
ATC(AW) Kenneth S. Dewitt
CNATTU Oceana

Not the one

You held my heart in your hand
Your hand
And I tried but I could never make
You understand
And when I saw you this weekend I finally realized
You're not the one
You're not the one

Christmas lights and carriage rides
Red lips, pin curls and pearls
Laughter and love, and freezing toes
But no - you're not the one.

I held your heart in my hand
My hand
And you told me but you couldn't make
Me understand
And when I see you this weekend I hope you'll realize
You're not the one
You're not the one

City lights and opera seats
Red dress, long talks and walks
Honest and open, great distance looms
Still no - you're not the one

Ohhh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Baby, don't worry
You're in my heart you're in my prayers
And Baby... our story
Will make sense one of these years
So toss your fears
Toss those fears
Cuz it's they-
And not you (it's you)
They're not 'the one'...

Today...

A lovely day it was today
The sun, the air
My heart.
So calm, so peaceful
So ready to move on
Whatever's out there
Waiting to inspire me
Make me laugh
Sweep over my soul
Like an ocean breeze

And as the night
Quietly tiptoes in
And gently brushes its fingertips
Over my lashes
Tired, so tired -
I succumb to it's sprinkling
Of beach sand.

So goodnight.

=)

Just Live

(written July 12, 2004- Pensacola, FL)

I found out what it was like to live
I found out where hapiness hides
I now know what to take, to give
And where patient time abides

A smile a laugh from you to me
Is what keeps the river flowing
Just open your eyes and you will see
What it takes to keep on going

Sorrow is only passing sad
It comes and goes in storm
YOU decide how terribly bad
And then rise up in the morn

Sadness can be underlying
But happiness has it's place
No matter how often you think you're dying
Between the two it's just a race

A race to see which holds out most
And both seem great in turn
When one dominates the other's a ghost
Our hearts with raging fires burn

So live just LIVE!!!
Just learn and grow
Go on forget the madness
Take all in stride
And soon you'll know
No difference betwixt joy and sadness

Her name means worthy of being loved...

I hope it does you good.
Finally you took a step forward
Timorous, and tearful
But you did it.
Sure there was coaxing involved
And maybe some harsh words
But love, and faith
And oh so much hope-
All of those were involved too
And here you are!
A new beginning in a new day
And a whole new life...
Why?
Because you had the courage
To move
To be strong!

Apology....

I said I'd write
That very night
But did I? No-
Forgotten.

The lines did flow
That time ago
But they, unwrit
Remained.

So I idly sit
With eyebrows knit
But that day's theme
Departed.

Thus now I scheme
With thoughts that teem
For you, to write,
Sweet Kate.

My sisters.

Blue eyes, brown hair
O how I miss you dear!
Sweet laugh, silliness
O how I wish you were here.
The memories, and all the fun
Bonfires, long walks too,
Down by the river and up on the hill
And all our jokes both old and new

Ocean Day Dreaming

Top hat, coat tails
Crisp cuffs-
Details
The music swells
And hearts
As well
The orchestra
Tunes up.

She smiles at him
The lights
Go dim
He takes her hand
For ovations
Stand
Ah someday,
Someday!

Rock and Roll

There's a certain something in
The rolling of the ship and
The music inside my ears that
Promotes a sort of heart ache
And joy in life all at once.